This one goes out to the woman I love…
My mama babe.
Things have always been complicated with my mother. I’m sure there are many daughters out there that sympathize. Sometimes, the burden of divorce can fall on a child, especially when a mother and daughter are close. My mom and I have always walked the fine line of friendship and family. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t said “fuck off” straight to my mother’s face. I’d be lying if I said I would do anything for her. Because I wouldn’t. And trust me, she has checked my patience on that kindness many times.
I could handle, at times, cleaning and doing laundry for our family when my dad moved out. I could forgive when she smoked in her bedroom because she was too depressed to leave the house. In fact, she felt more ashamed and defensive about it than I was angry. Still to this day, I can’t look at her cross-eyed without her thinking I am putting her down.
So yeah, things have always been complicated with my mother. But as the years have gone by, I’ve realized what being a shadow means. I’ve realized how my mother does things for others, selflessly. How she has survived so many hardships (physically, emotionally, and mentally) and continued to be a great mother to Drew (my brother) and I. Our parents may not take perfect care of themselves (SIDENOTE: realizing your nearly 60 year old Dad drinks Monster energy drinks to perk up in the day calls for a parent-like lecture that he did not take kindly to). But they always took great care of us.
This post is for her. The following are some old pictures of her that I insisted on stealing and scanning. She has a light in her eyes and a glow about her that people just cannot resist. Her personality is sparkling and her charm is mesmerizing. She makes me laugh until I cry with her dirty jokes and inappropriate humor (which I inherited, for better or worse). I can swear around her and talk about anything I want. I’ve never had to hide a single thing about myself from her, just according to her plans.
Below: Mom and someone named “Rags” who she was clearly crushing on hard. The back of the picture mentioned something about her being so excited to be sitting next to him at this music festival. Also, her haircut is wonderful. Love her style.
Mom, staring at “Rags” (see above). She still has these glasses. Once again, love her style. She was probably in her early twenties in this picture, making it about 1975.
Mom is in the blue shirt, and my Aunt Cindy is in the red. The guy next to my momma was her high school sweetheart Joe Mraz. He loved her so much.
Mom next to her car, in Downtown Lewiston, Idaho. Cutest jumper and shoe combo EVER. Ugh, love her too much!
People stop me in Lewiston to ask if I am Judi Hewitt’s daughter. Everyone says we look just alike. I rarely see it because I have thick curly hair and hers is thinner, straighter, and blonder. But in this picture, we are twins to the max. And her awesome 70s sweater is something I would wear right now.