Every year I age, I become more adept at sensing change – changes in myself, changes in the world around me, or the opposite of change, a rut, a need for change, new challenges and roadblocks and joys and fears.
“Some changes happen deep down inside of you. And the truth is, only you know about them.” Judy Blume said that.
I feel myself changing deep down. Not in any noticeable way, or tangible way. I feel as though my bones are harder, my sensibilities keener, a sharpen in everything around me. I’m preparing to leave this place. I’ve outgrown it and the next few months here will feel like walking around in overalls six sizes too small. I used to love when I first lived here, going to the grocery store in the worst shape and not caring because you didn’t know a soul in town. Now, I can’t even go to the gas station without seeing someone I know. I don’t want that – a lot of my time in public is spent dodging people I know, and that’s a fact.
After Bryan graduates, we will have maxed out our opportunities in this college town. We will be leaving with two Bachelors and a Masters degree, a dog, a marriage, and the best memories. I never want to stop reflecting on these changes in my life, I never want to hide them or fight them or fear them. This will be my ninth year here and I know when my soul needs a good ol’ classic shakedown.