(Drinks at Mizuna on Bryan’s birthday – mine, the Hemingway Daiquiri, and his, an old-fashioned, as always.)
I have always been exceptionally lucky. And given my severely pragmatic and realistic mindset, it didn’t take long into my teen years before I understood how I was going to survive. Even as a kid, I wondered what the purpose of life was, and knew deep down how inconsequential we all seemed. But these worries brought me to the conclusion, very young, that there is no value in measuring your life against others unless that’s something you willfully do in effort to motivate yourself.
There are so many people that will never come to this realization, or even arrive at the point where they reflect on their measurements. There are people with no self-awareness, or understanding of their flaws, who put down others while not realizing they are silently screaming their own insecurities. And I am thankful, because I feel as though I’ve transcended the negativity that society tried and tried again to inflict on me, whether it be in the form of my parents’ “worries” about me or growing up knowing I would have to maneuver within the constraints of being a female, second-class citizen.
(The most gorgeous gift wrap I’ve ever owned, and will most likely use for millions of things instead of actual gift wrapping. Shelf liners? Bulletin board background? I’d probably cover my house in it if I could.)
All of this comes to mind because Monday morning, I return to the professional world after a four month hiatus. And while I’m a public servant at heart, I will be entering the world of private industry and I’m scared and excited and charged in a way that I have needed for a long time. I measure my success by what I want in my life, and that has brought me nothing but pride and satisfaction and growth, even with the many hurdles and struggles that come along the way. Every cliche about change being a good thing is worth listening to.
(Our portraits from Kim, our dear friend and flower girl, that she gave us the night before our wedding. I feel lucky to know talented people.)
I’m back to the real world and I feel relieved.